I AM IN ...

www.ulizalinks.co.ke

I am reminiscing. Going through my old posts on my other blog and then here. It has been long. Reading my previous posts, I realise how much has happened since then.
I have successfully change my Bible class day to Sunday morning before the first Divine Service which starts at 6:30pm. I have matured so much through the years and to start narrating how this has happened will take awhile.
It has been almost three years in my current relationship and by God's grace I have held on to my promise of not having sex until I get married.
I am currently writing my dissertation for my MSc. Management and Information Systems.
I have still not discovered my purpose for working in my current institution but I know God will reveal all as time goes on, it is just that I gave myself five years to be there and then I will move on to other things, however it looks like I can do the other things and still be there. I await the revelation that is to come.
I have decided to go back to the point where I grew so much in my faith and purpose; the point when I stopped listening to all kinds of secular music if it was not in praise of God. Just as I wrote my school project memoir, music has so much influence on us that it is not funny. So I am going back, Sankofa, because 2 Corinthians 10: 5, I want to capture every thought and bring it to obedience in God.
There are many things I need to catch up on in terms of church history and faith and works. I have put a lot of things on the back burner as I try to develop my dissertation; 16000 words to write. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am currently using the Seventh Day Adventists Bible Study Guide daily and occassionaly I also read from the application YouVersion on my phone.
This is it for now.
MY PRAYER: Lord, you know my words before I speak them. Help me! much more than I can bear. I need you as never before; in my family, in my relationship, in school, at work, with my friends, with my beliefs, with my faith, with this i advocate in and for. Take more control than ever before and give me the discernment to know the right from the wrong and bring people to the thorough knowing of you.
Amen 

I HATE ME TOO

.

It has been two years and 2 days shy of two months since I last posted on this blog. How have I been? Not so great spiritually...
Let's see;

• I have not been faithfully having time with the Lord and there times I do I have distractions  and the place is not convenience (on the toilet seat)...
• I have not been attending my Saturday Bible classes at church (I started attending the Thursday class a friend recommended when I told him Satursdays were hectic days when I had to leave wherever I was and go to class; well I stopped attending the Thursday class because I realised I was not growing in that class. Go finger...)
• I have not been attending choir practise; excuse is it take them eons to learn one song and the choir master was not being forceful with the older choir members plus everything was not full of joy of the Lord evermore, at least for me. I felt stifled.
• Okay, now there is a new choir master, what is stopping me from attending choir again? I have started a distance learning programme. So what is stopping you again?...
• I have been pushing the boundaries a tard too much when it comes to the bf.
• I am slipping, I know, and I am watching myself do it like a movie being played out in slow-mo

What inspired this post was a post from a member of the hair blog  which led me to this blog which led me to this. I am inspired to stop playing around with getting back on track with God and postponing stuff and making excuses and generally stoping being lazy because I am afraid (I admit to myself) of being held accountable (by God). I am lukewarm and I will be spat out (Rev. 3: 15-16) and I am afraid of that too. So I am here and now confronting my fears and leaving it out here because the devil will not have a foothold. I follow Christ and He is my standard and He will lead me to where I need to go. I must not lose focus.

So bear me up in prayer.

Versatile & Stylish Blogger Describes Me

His Darlyn gave me this award. I am so excited. This is a first on blogspot for me. Thank you, His Darlyn.
I have to fulfil these rules:
-Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
(check above)

- Tell 7 things about myself
1. God loves me. I love him. Sometimes I seem to forget Him, but He is there. I am constantly reminded about it and I thank God for that.
2. Like His Darlyn, I am an avid reader. I read anything that I find interesting, no matter the subject matter. I am always looking out for clever, hilarious inscriptions on t-shirts.
3. I like the creative arts; performance art etc, I will enjoy it and thank God for it.
4. I don't mind being the centre of attention if that is what I am aiming for, but if I find myself the centre of people's attention, I make the most of it and somehow I seem to make sense to them.
5. I love all sorts of music; particular beats and rhythms get to me and this applies to voices too. The Sound of Music is my all-time favourite movie, okay, make that anything with music in it; because I love Annie, High School Musical (forget the plot, enjoy the music and choreography), chocolates, and nature.
6. I am a collector of voices, intelligence and people who have some thing that is perculiar to them; the way they smile, hold their head, the shape of the lips, a way of walking etc.
7. I believe my life and character bear testimony to God's work in me. I let my life be a witness of God before my words come out.

- Award 15 other bloggers
 I hereby deem the following as Versatile & Stylish Bloggers. Unfortunately, I can only give out three.
alovelydai
prettykay
Enyonam


- Contact these bloggers and let them know that they have won
I have left a comment on each of these bloggers last post before my post.

Training is Over!

I really don't have any excuse for not posting on this blog for so long. I beg your forgiveness. Thank you.

2011, what's up?

After four whole months of training (remember in this post, I wrote about getting a new job and my fears and expectations.), yesterday, 21st January 2011, was the last day at the training centre. My colleagues were awesome, of course the usual skirmishes that comes with meeting new people with different personalities came up; I think I am getting better with not being withdrawn, though in the end it seemed I pulled it off a bit too well because when I became quiet, one colleague thought I was becoming withdrawn. Ah, four months of learning economics, finance, accounting, adding to my knowledge on information technology, interacting in hereto unaccessible environments, I am as ready as I can be to get to my department on Monday, 24th January 2011. I leave the rest to God.

Hey, if you are a Christian, does it mean you don't ever get angry and if you do, should you smile and pretend everything is all right?, most especially if the person you are angry at is someone you are close to?

God, most things are going on so well in my life that I am afraid something bad is going to happen to take it all away to create a balance with all the bad things that are going wrong in the world. It is crazy I know, but sometimes that is how I feel; if it too good to be true, it probably is, then I become apprehensive. You have given me the choice of life and death(Deuteronomy 30:19), I choose life.

"Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me" " Hebrews 13:5-6 (New Living Translation)


Prayer: Lord, Father, keep me true. Help me overcome my doubts and fears. Create a right spirit within me. Let my life be an example for others to thirst to know you. I am glad to know you as my Friend and Father. I get angry sometimes and wonder and cry, but you, Lord, give me hope. The darkness cannot overwhelm me. Let your love fill me day by day that I will give to it to others. Thank you Father. Amen

First Day At Work?

Who closes at twelve(12) noon on their first day at a new job? Come on, let me see some hands. One hand; my hand. Yep, I got to work twenty(20) minutes to 8 in the morning and closed at 12pm. That is me.

In between 8am and 12pm, I meet twenty-four newbies(like me. :)), filled some forms, got security clearance, took a passport picture and ... that was it. Oh, almost forgot and got a schedule for four months training. Yippee!

This is my first day and God is in total control.

Working His Purpose Out

God is working his purpose out
as year succeeds to year:
God is working his purpose out,
and the time is drawing near;
nearer and nearer draws the time,
the time that shall surely be,
when the earth shall be filled
with the glory of God
as the waters cover the sea.

Arthur Campbell Aigner (1841-1919), 1894 

I can't claim to know God's mind or His purpose; one thing I can say is, as things work out in my life, slowly but surely, I see His hand in them. In whatever I am not clear about, everything falls into place as if there was never a problem in the first place.

Sometimes I wonder why most times things do not turn out right; Am I not a child of God?, Did He not say he will not let my feet smash against a stone? and when things are right, I thank God then start thinking what ifs. Is that doubt of what God can do or what He is doing? I don't think so and yet I can't get my head around it. So I pray and then forget about it; till something else crops up.

I start my new job on Friday, 1st October 2010, and instead of thinking about the tasks I will be performing, I find myself preoccupied with the kind of corporate culture I will be encountering. This will be my first time of working in a public institution and I know it is highly formalized and stiff. I will be working with and encountering people of a different generation and age groups. I have been praying to learn the act of tactful speaking; I am known to run my mouth without mincing words. :), I guess this will be the ultimate test.
Coming from a less formalized corporate culture where everyone, from the CEO to the grounds people, is known and called by the first name, I will be mister'ing' and madame'ing' other colleagues(I don't know if using just the last name is acceptable. :-)). This is going to be so different; exactly what the doctor ordered. :). Can you tell? I am excited! though I dislike titles.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 New Living Translation(NLT)

I have a problem with names and faces. I will be learning the names and faces of about five hundred(500) other people I will be working with.(a hard task? only time will tell; hopefully I will not be meeting all of them at once. :-))

I envision a couple of problems, with sexual harassment being ahead of the pack(can't escape that). I know, I shouldn't go to a new job thinking about negatives, but I like taking a realistic and wholistic view about all matters and this is one issue that cannot be escaped at the workplace. I am wondering how I can deal with that in a tactful way(hmmm, that word again; tact).

So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. Romans 9:26 NLT


My prayer:
God, Father, you placed me here. For whatever purpose you have for me to accomplish, at my new workplace, help me to find it and accomplish it. Let my speech and actions be as a child of God and not a dormant. I know you are working your purpose out and I am loving it. Should perilous times come, let me not rely on myself but rather on you. Order my steps in your word in Jesus name. AMEN

*I will let you know what happened on my first day at the new place. :)

Fragrance of the Earth

2 Co:2:15: For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish:
 I wish; If only. Am I being or becoming a sweet aroma/savour of Christ?, at home, work, relationships?, every point in my life. Sometimes it feels like it is such a burden to call yourself a Christian, especially if others who profess the same, act in ways that cast doubts in your mind.

Christianity, as I understand, is a way of life; not something I practice as a profession or a role I play as an actor; a way of life; my way of life.

I understand others have taken this journey before me; to be Christ-like, so as I learn from their encounters, I understand it is not a magic formula but a road-map; certain landmarks may change along the way but the underlying path remains the same; the Bible and the Holy Spirit, our helper who was sent from above . John:14:16: And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever. So I am not alone, you are not alone.

Let's be fragrances of the Lord; sweet aromas of lavender, rose, and many more. Infusions raising up to the glory of God. This does not mean you are docile, it means you are Christ-like; together with the cane waving persona.

I Got Jobs!

So was it by faith or obedience? I say both; I had to let go of what I had (my old job; only after I had accomplished my purpose there) and trusting God that it was the right time to quit my job (even without one in the horizon).
I have two jobs; one as a web developer using PHP to manage an existing website (I will serve in this capacity for two months), and the other as systems supervisor (I take up this appointment in two months time).

How has this affected my walk with God? I know the one who I have believed that He is able to do what He has said; not only in my job search but in every sphere of my life. When the going gets tough and it looks like there is no end in sight, I mustn't loss hope. This is easy to say when you are at the shore, but in raving waters, will I be able to say this? I have been through some difficulties in life; a lightning strike, armed robbery- I don't know what else is there; but what can I say?, I have been through the eye of the storm and I have come out unscratched? No, not that. Each difficulty has taught me a valuable lesson on faith. My job search has taught me about obedience in the light of faith.

I can't help but wonder about what else out there and my role in it all? I see my family, friends, community; the struggles we go through each day as Christians- faith, obedience are just nouns when we don't get the God part of it- the essence of what He meant when Samuel said to obey is better than sacrifice  and to listen is better than the sacrifice of rams, 1 Samuel 15: 22. I am glad I listened; I am glad I sacrificed; I am glad God delivers on His promises. I asked and He provided.

My Prayer: God, lead me every hour. Let me know you more. Let me abide in you more. Hold me close and never let me go.

God on a Deadline!

Help! I put God on a deadline and it is up. Guess what? I had to extend the deadline. So this is my journey of faith, and from the looks of it, I am handing God a timeline to work with, but what do you do when you are on a timeline yourself? I know, I am supposed to wait upon the Lord and He is working his purpose out. It looks like He is taking his own sweet time!

So I am 'supposed' to have started work in July. I am going to get a salary in July that is what I keep telling myself and everyone who asks me about my job search. Pathetic, ain't it? Maybe I am not praying as I should, maybe I am not doing God's will, maybe I am not really listening to God, maybe..., maybe..., maybe... Just a lot of maybes right now. As always, I am counting on God and maybe He will work within my deadline. Come on, we are in the second week and a half in July, not too late to get that July salary if I start working now (my thoughts). These are the doubts that keep plaguing my mind after I have prayed and said I have left everything to God. Are these doubts standing in the way of my faith in what I am trusting the Lord to do? Weighing my faith, it is like a mustard seed, so my miracle is on the way. So with three successful interviews since I left my job, I am yet to hear from any of them (God, you are in control). The rest of my life as I am job searching, I am booking scouting and selling, fixing up my dad's desktop computer, visiting the internet cafe in the neighborhood and contemplating whether to get broadband for the house on my limited budget (see, my problem, I can't seem to let go and leave it all up to God. I am yet to learn total dependence on Him. Okay, so I am getting the broadband and that will leave me with nothing if I don't get a job in July. Hurray for broadband, and broke).

I encourage myself with this scripture; 1st John 3:22
"And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." KJV

Why?

I left my job last month because it felt right. I did not battle with myself over that decision but I had to deal with the fact that I had no job(s) lined up for me to start and I was leaving this one that pays me every month for doing virtually nothing. God will provide, I said to myself. At the back of my head, I couldn't help but wonder whether I was being stupid, careless and ungrateful to God, after all, I did not have a job when I started this one and I was leaving with nothing to go to. A friend told me as much and I am sure others have thought the same. So what? if the pay was lousy and I had to scrape in other to save; what?, if the working environment was making me sick; literacy and figuratively; what?, if I found the work boring and unfulfilling and I felt useless; what? if the hours were long and totally unrewarding? Other people are probably going through the same things or even worse. Why did I feel I had to quit? There was no justification except for selfish reasons. These were the thoughts that ran in my head. But then, something happened that made me know that I had made the right decision.
I was in the lavatory, when like a vision, a screen unfolded before me; in it, the owner of the company was having a conversation with  the branch manager, the secretary and the HR manager, I did not hear the words of the conversation but I felt at that moment that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that screen will take place under different circumstances. In that future event, I will be part of the group and I was not myself as I am now; I was this timid person who could not dare venture an opinion. It felt right at that moment that I was leaving the company, and this was a week to my last day working there. It felt that I am meant to leave in order to be different from this timid person I would be. I know, this does not make sense.
So I am currently out of a job and job hunting, but that will be a topic for another post. Right now, I am being plagued by thoughts of doubt that I may have made a wrong decision; I may not get a job any time soon, if at all; I may have to settle for something, anything, so I can have money in my bank account. I can't going asking my sisters or friends for money, not when I feel they will be thinking that I left a paying job to sit at home. I am trusting God that I will be working in July; I keep telling myself and everyone that even though I am yet to hear from any of the companies I have interviewed at, but that is the essence of faith, right? that [Now] faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

This Blog

The idea behind this blog is to put the questions I have about the things that happen to me. In the light of my faith, I will examine whether I am being faithful or not. There is no other way to put it. Maybe by posting the battles I have with myself, I will be able to dispassionately examine the issues of being a realist and being a Christian.