Training is Over!

I really don't have any excuse for not posting on this blog for so long. I beg your forgiveness. Thank you.

2011, what's up?

After four whole months of training (remember in this post, I wrote about getting a new job and my fears and expectations.), yesterday, 21st January 2011, was the last day at the training centre. My colleagues were awesome, of course the usual skirmishes that comes with meeting new people with different personalities came up; I think I am getting better with not being withdrawn, though in the end it seemed I pulled it off a bit too well because when I became quiet, one colleague thought I was becoming withdrawn. Ah, four months of learning economics, finance, accounting, adding to my knowledge on information technology, interacting in hereto unaccessible environments, I am as ready as I can be to get to my department on Monday, 24th January 2011. I leave the rest to God.

Hey, if you are a Christian, does it mean you don't ever get angry and if you do, should you smile and pretend everything is all right?, most especially if the person you are angry at is someone you are close to?

God, most things are going on so well in my life that I am afraid something bad is going to happen to take it all away to create a balance with all the bad things that are going wrong in the world. It is crazy I know, but sometimes that is how I feel; if it too good to be true, it probably is, then I become apprehensive. You have given me the choice of life and death(Deuteronomy 30:19), I choose life.

"Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me" " Hebrews 13:5-6 (New Living Translation)


Prayer: Lord, Father, keep me true. Help me overcome my doubts and fears. Create a right spirit within me. Let my life be an example for others to thirst to know you. I am glad to know you as my Friend and Father. I get angry sometimes and wonder and cry, but you, Lord, give me hope. The darkness cannot overwhelm me. Let your love fill me day by day that I will give to it to others. Thank you Father. Amen

Why?

I left my job last month because it felt right. I did not battle with myself over that decision but I had to deal with the fact that I had no job(s) lined up for me to start and I was leaving this one that pays me every month for doing virtually nothing. God will provide, I said to myself. At the back of my head, I couldn't help but wonder whether I was being stupid, careless and ungrateful to God, after all, I did not have a job when I started this one and I was leaving with nothing to go to. A friend told me as much and I am sure others have thought the same. So what? if the pay was lousy and I had to scrape in other to save; what?, if the working environment was making me sick; literacy and figuratively; what?, if I found the work boring and unfulfilling and I felt useless; what? if the hours were long and totally unrewarding? Other people are probably going through the same things or even worse. Why did I feel I had to quit? There was no justification except for selfish reasons. These were the thoughts that ran in my head. But then, something happened that made me know that I had made the right decision.
I was in the lavatory, when like a vision, a screen unfolded before me; in it, the owner of the company was having a conversation with  the branch manager, the secretary and the HR manager, I did not hear the words of the conversation but I felt at that moment that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that screen will take place under different circumstances. In that future event, I will be part of the group and I was not myself as I am now; I was this timid person who could not dare venture an opinion. It felt right at that moment that I was leaving the company, and this was a week to my last day working there. It felt that I am meant to leave in order to be different from this timid person I would be. I know, this does not make sense.
So I am currently out of a job and job hunting, but that will be a topic for another post. Right now, I am being plagued by thoughts of doubt that I may have made a wrong decision; I may not get a job any time soon, if at all; I may have to settle for something, anything, so I can have money in my bank account. I can't going asking my sisters or friends for money, not when I feel they will be thinking that I left a paying job to sit at home. I am trusting God that I will be working in July; I keep telling myself and everyone that even though I am yet to hear from any of the companies I have interviewed at, but that is the essence of faith, right? that [Now] faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1