God on a Deadline!

Help! I put God on a deadline and it is up. Guess what? I had to extend the deadline. So this is my journey of faith, and from the looks of it, I am handing God a timeline to work with, but what do you do when you are on a timeline yourself? I know, I am supposed to wait upon the Lord and He is working his purpose out. It looks like He is taking his own sweet time!

So I am 'supposed' to have started work in July. I am going to get a salary in July that is what I keep telling myself and everyone who asks me about my job search. Pathetic, ain't it? Maybe I am not praying as I should, maybe I am not doing God's will, maybe I am not really listening to God, maybe..., maybe..., maybe... Just a lot of maybes right now. As always, I am counting on God and maybe He will work within my deadline. Come on, we are in the second week and a half in July, not too late to get that July salary if I start working now (my thoughts). These are the doubts that keep plaguing my mind after I have prayed and said I have left everything to God. Are these doubts standing in the way of my faith in what I am trusting the Lord to do? Weighing my faith, it is like a mustard seed, so my miracle is on the way. So with three successful interviews since I left my job, I am yet to hear from any of them (God, you are in control). The rest of my life as I am job searching, I am booking scouting and selling, fixing up my dad's desktop computer, visiting the internet cafe in the neighborhood and contemplating whether to get broadband for the house on my limited budget (see, my problem, I can't seem to let go and leave it all up to God. I am yet to learn total dependence on Him. Okay, so I am getting the broadband and that will leave me with nothing if I don't get a job in July. Hurray for broadband, and broke).

I encourage myself with this scripture; 1st John 3:22
"And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." KJV

Why?

I left my job last month because it felt right. I did not battle with myself over that decision but I had to deal with the fact that I had no job(s) lined up for me to start and I was leaving this one that pays me every month for doing virtually nothing. God will provide, I said to myself. At the back of my head, I couldn't help but wonder whether I was being stupid, careless and ungrateful to God, after all, I did not have a job when I started this one and I was leaving with nothing to go to. A friend told me as much and I am sure others have thought the same. So what? if the pay was lousy and I had to scrape in other to save; what?, if the working environment was making me sick; literacy and figuratively; what?, if I found the work boring and unfulfilling and I felt useless; what? if the hours were long and totally unrewarding? Other people are probably going through the same things or even worse. Why did I feel I had to quit? There was no justification except for selfish reasons. These were the thoughts that ran in my head. But then, something happened that made me know that I had made the right decision.
I was in the lavatory, when like a vision, a screen unfolded before me; in it, the owner of the company was having a conversation with  the branch manager, the secretary and the HR manager, I did not hear the words of the conversation but I felt at that moment that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that screen will take place under different circumstances. In that future event, I will be part of the group and I was not myself as I am now; I was this timid person who could not dare venture an opinion. It felt right at that moment that I was leaving the company, and this was a week to my last day working there. It felt that I am meant to leave in order to be different from this timid person I would be. I know, this does not make sense.
So I am currently out of a job and job hunting, but that will be a topic for another post. Right now, I am being plagued by thoughts of doubt that I may have made a wrong decision; I may not get a job any time soon, if at all; I may have to settle for something, anything, so I can have money in my bank account. I can't going asking my sisters or friends for money, not when I feel they will be thinking that I left a paying job to sit at home. I am trusting God that I will be working in July; I keep telling myself and everyone that even though I am yet to hear from any of the companies I have interviewed at, but that is the essence of faith, right? that [Now] faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

This Blog

The idea behind this blog is to put the questions I have about the things that happen to me. In the light of my faith, I will examine whether I am being faithful or not. There is no other way to put it. Maybe by posting the battles I have with myself, I will be able to dispassionately examine the issues of being a realist and being a Christian.